Brief Thoughts from Bren: Hugs

By Bren Dubay
June 2023

“Hugs are important,” said Rowan Dubay.

Rowan is three. His quiet declaration came out of the blue unprovoked. It certainly set me thinking.

We are living in a post-hug world, likely partly due to Covid. We are reticent about shaking hands. A pat on the back or an arm around the shoulder can now be frowned upon for more reasons than Covid. 

But hugs don’t have to involve physical touch. Being fully present can be a hug. The kind of hug that slows you down. True hugs take time. They invite us to pause and be present.

At Koinonia, communal prayer begins at 8:00 a.m. Members and interns are asked to be seated in the chapel five minutes before. We are urged not to use these five minutes as a time to run through the day’s to-do list. I did not know this time had a name until recently. It’s called statio. Author Joan Chittister writes, “Statio is the practice of stopping one thing before we begin another. It is the time between times.” 

In general, as a society, people are only halfway here. We are always starting one task before finishing another. Attention spans are growing smaller and smaller. The ability to concentrate is slipping. We live life on the run. 

Statio can help us with all these ailments. “Simply being active is not life,” says Chittister. Statio is “about being consciously committed to what you are there to do so that your mind isn’t partially distracted by the thing you just left behind.” Or by the next task that pops into your mind pulling you away from where you are. 

Statio requires a commitment of time. Like hugs.

Try it. Take a holy pause, then gather yourself before entering a sick friend’s hospital room. Go in and be there fully only for him. 

Stop distracting yourself with all that you have to do. Take a deep breath before you sit, and when you do sit, give yourself to your grief. Let it pour over you. Give it time.

Instead of rushing your child to and from all the activities the world offers to keep her busy (and, so the world says, “fulfilled” and made competitive so that she can get into the very best college someday, one day), stretch out on the floor and work on a wooden puzzle with her. Be nowhere else.

These are moments of statio. Hugs. And hugs are important.